Couples Therapy
Is Ongoing Tension And Gridlock Causing You To Reconsider Your Relationship?
Are you and your partner struggling to connect?
Do the two of you have a hard time problem-solving together or seeing things from one another’s perspective?
Whether you’re dating or have been married for years, you may have encountered conflict in your partnership. Maybe you find yourselves arguing more frequently or struggling to communicate your needs. Disagreements about money, parenting, and other shared responsibilities may have become the dominant interaction between you two, and you’ve probably noticed obstacles in your ability to be intimate with one another.
What Caused Tension Between You Two?
A specific incident may have sparked friction in your relationship. Perhaps there has been an instance of physical or emotional infidelity, and it’s possible that control issues or feelings of jealousy have surfaced as a result.
Maybe your partner has expressed concern that they are playing second fiddle to your work and other activities that take up your time, energy, and ability to be present. These habits might include overuse of electronics, preoccupation with TV or the internet, and substance abuse.
In addition, if either one of you has been divorced or struggled with past relationship issues, you may have difficulties repeating past patterns. Not to mention, the blending of families can often cause tension and discord within the family unit as a whole. You and your partner may be looking for support as you establish more effective co-parenting and communication skills. And if you’re religious, it may be particularly important that you receive Christian or faith-based guidance.
Fortunately, couples therapy is available through Four Seasons Counseling. By working with an experienced couples therapist who can guide you in implementing new strategies and shared values toward a more harmonious future, you and your partner can restore intimacy and respect within your relationship.
It’s A Myth That Healthy Relationships Don’t Take Work
Every marriage or relationship encounters its fair share of challenges, but only 19 percent of couples attend therapy. Even in instances of separation and divorce, only about a third of couples seek counseling before signing the papers, signaling that most people in relationships aren’t willing to get the outside help needed to enhance shared intimacy, communication, and problem-solving.
Why Do Couples Avoid Counseling?
The relationship expert and renowned marriage therapist John Gottman has famously said that the average couple waits six years—whether that’s six years having the same fight, engaging in infidelity behaviors, or emotionally and physically disconnecting from the relationship—before committing to therapy. Many partners would rather suffer in silence for close to a decade than seek the insightful perspective of an experienced couples counselor.
There are a few reasons why some couples might avoid working with a therapist. For one, there remains a stigma about couples counseling. While the concept of individual counseling has become more normalized and accepted in recent decades, there is a misconception that couples therapy means the relationship is altogether doomed. Many couples worry what it says about their relationship if they can’t work through issues on their own.
In addition, it’s common for couples to pretend their issues don’t exist or brush them under the rug entirely. It can be intimidating to have difficult conversations, and many partners settle for dissatisfaction in the relationship out of a need for economic stability, keeping up appearances, or shame about confronting marital issues head-on. As such, many struggling partners adopt the misconception that if love and connection take work, then the relationship is not meant to be.
Yet, this is simply not true—every successful relationship takes hard work and negotiation. Working with a professional who can view your relationship issues objectively and with a trained eye, you and your partner can feel safe to have hard conversations, identify solutions, and facilitate positive change as a team.
Marriage And Couples Therapy At Four Seasons Counseling
When the home environment is charged with strong emotions and memories of past arguments, it’s hard for couples to approach marital issues calmly and productively. A couples therapist acts as a neutral third party that is invested in the relationship as a whole. In working with each partner to shift unhealthy relationship dynamics, a couples counselor can catalyze meaningful, lasting change among partners.
My Approach
Once intake paperwork, questionnaires, and the “No Secrets” policy have been completed, we will come together in therapy to identify core issues. Addressing both the problems you experience as a couple as well as the individual setbacks that contribute to dissatisfaction within the partnership, we will determine a treatment plan that may include individual therapy if needed. [*Note that I do not see couples who are in an actively abusive situation; if domestic violence has occurred, it needs to have been at least three months since the abusive incident.]
When counseling couples, I primarily use Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which has been a highly researched and verified approach since the 1980s. Drawing from Gottman protocol, I help couples rebuild trust, heal past wounds, and learn to collaborate. As the root of the conflict is explored in counseling, my clients develop essential skills for communication and fixing the problems in their marriage or relationship.
In addition to Gottman Method Couples Therapy, I am likely to integrate Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and solution-focused counseling when working with couples. These methods help my clients improve communication, manage conflict, enhance intimacy and affection, and create a heightened sense of mutual understanding. Using these approaches, the couples I work with have an opportunity to see themselves as a united team against shared challenges rather than adversaries against each other.
My approach certainly helps clients to heal old wounds, but it also looks forward in the partnership, collaborating on a “game plan” that will help you avoid repeating unhealthy relationship patterns. Not to mention, I place a high value on faith and religious perspectives, available by request to clients in counseling who identify as Catholic or Christian couples.
The statistics tell us that couples aren’t always getting the help they need, but these numbers also indicate that evidence-based marriage therapy works. Among struggling couples, at least 70 percent observe a positive change in therapy. So if you and your partner are tired of the fighting, disconnection, and lack of unity, take confidence in the fact that couples therapy through Four Seasons Counseling can heal and reignite your connection.
Maybe You’re Considering Couples Therapy But Still Aren’t Sure…
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While this is a common concern, marriage issues become more problematic the longer they are ignored. Processing these issues head-on in counseling can create opportunities for more open communication and problem-solving as a couple. Gaining control over the conflict you experience together will give you a chance to discuss resolutions calmly and with more empathy for one another.
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Some cultures view therapy as a signal of weakness or instability, but the truth is that issues in our intimate relationships often have significant implications on our mental and physical health. If someone had a medical condition like diabetes or high blood pressure, they would consult a professional—and mental health issues should be no different. Counseling with a professional therapist is often necessary to combat mental health challenges, and it can lead to improvements in both your partnership and daily experience of the world around you.
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Counseling is certainly an investment in your relationship or marriage, but like any investment, it provides you with an opportunity for growth and increased satisfaction. In the safe space of therapy, you and your partner can address issues that may be too daunting to explore on your own, giving you a chance to make progress with a person you care deeply about. By enhancing the satisfaction you feel in your relationship, you can see improvements in all areas of your life.
Together, You Can Conquer Relationship Setbacks
If you and your partner experience ongoing gridlock in your relationship, couples therapy at Four Seasons Counseling can pave the way for harmony and positive change.
To schedule an appointment call me (916) 425 – 2692 or contact me.
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