4 Ways To Begin Communicating Better With Your Partner

You hear it all the time - communication is important in a relationship. We all know it. But, the truth is, that communication is complicated. Even though most people understand that communication is important, it doesn't mean we know how to do it effectively.

Learning how to effectively communicate is more than just "how was your day?" or "did you take the garbage out?" While these little check-ins are important, it doesn't quite cover the communication needs of most couples.

Knowing how to communicate with and listen to your partner can help prevent and resolve conflict. It takes practice to learn how to communicate with each other in the way that you both need. The communication needs of each couple will vary, but generally, there are some good rules to follow. Below, here are 4 tips to communicate better with your partner.

1. Keep Talking To Each Other

Remember in the early days when it seemed as if you could talk for hours on end? Over time, most couples naturally will stray away from this. It turns into small talk and quick check-ins, but never really diving too deep into conversation. It might seem strange, but none of these things are really talking.

Talk to each other about how you are truly feeling. Your frustrations and anger over something that happened at work earlier. How annoyed you are about something your children said or did that day or earlier in the week. Because the truth is, these conversations that you have to need to go beyond the surface. If you aren't being vulnerable with one another, then it's time to begin questioning why.

2. Be Honest, But Never Cruel

We all want to say exactly what is on our minds. It's challenging to not blurt out what we think they need to hear. Instead of just keeping it to ourselves. But sometimes, keeping what we want to say inside, temporarily, is the best policy.

You should always address what is bothering you about your relationship or even with your partner. However, there is a time and place for this. In the middle of a heated argument is not the time or the place. Because chances are, we won't say it in the kindest way. Instead of immediately saying what you want to, take a pause. Think about what you are going to say and decide if that is a comment you are making because it's the heat of the moment. Decide if it will be helpful in the conversation or help you resolve anything. If you have any doubts about either of those things, it may not be the best time to say something.

3. Watch Your Use Of "You" Statements

This one is harder to master, but can be highly beneficial when you are in a conflict. It is common, in an argument, to use statements that begin or have the word you. What this actually does is it takes an accusatory stance and places blame on your partner. Instead of, "You never care how I feel," shift it to, "I feel like you don't seem to care about my feelings."

This shifts the focus from accusing them of something to letting them know how you feel.

4.  Listen

Communication involves more than talking to one another. It also involves listening. Not just hearing the words that they are saying, but how they are saying it. Are they feeling frustrated and just speaking out of anger? Are they truly expressing how they feel?

Listening to what they are saying will help you see things from their perspective. In conflict, we have a tendency to only think about our own viewpoint. But listening to what they have to say can help keep the peace.

If you are struggling to communicate with your partner, you may also want to try to go to couples counseling. It can help you learn the skills you need to maintain a healthy relationship. Reach out to me soon to begin.

Click here for more information on Couples Therapy.